I don’t know what to do. On Monday I had a stroke. I’m 40 years old and I had a stroke. What am I supposed to do? I don’t know if this is how everyone feels… but these are the thoughts that keep running through my head:
- I feel like a California seismologist, I’m just waiting for the “Big One”
- Phrases like “I’ll get that next time” terrifies me because I don’t know if there will be a next time.
- I can be fine one minute and then struck with fear and start crying for no reason at any moment.
- Sometimes I feel like nothing happened, and then I remember… Then I get sad that I’m forever going to be a “survivor”
- Sometimes I think “I’m not going to let this beat me, I can rise above it and be better than ever” but then I wonder if I really can, I mean physical able to.
- I felt fine during the stroke and the 2 days in the hospital after, then I have felt like crap. I find that now I get winded and have to stop walking on the way to the car from the train. I feel super wiped out now too. I’m not sure if it’s the stroke after effects or maybe the medication.
- When the doctors say rest and take it easy, I don’t know what they mean.
- I know that worrying about what happens next isn’t going to change what might happen in the future… but I still can help it.