I Had a Stroke…. Now All I Can Do Is Think and Write

I don’t know what to do. On Monday I had a stroke. I’m 40 years old and I had a stroke. What am I supposed to do? I don’t know if this is how everyone feels… but these are the thoughts that keep running through my head:

  • I feel like a California seismologist, I’m just waiting for the “Big One”
  • Phrases like “I’ll get that next time” terrifies me because I don’t know if there will be a next time.
  • I can be fine one minute and then struck with fear and start crying for no reason at any moment.
  • Sometimes I feel like nothing happened, and then I remember… Then I get sad that I’m forever going to be a “survivor”
  • Sometimes I think “I’m not going to let this beat me, I can rise above it and be better than ever” but then I wonder if I really can, I mean physical able to.
  • I felt fine during the stroke and the 2 days in the hospital after, then I have felt like crap. I find that now I get winded and have to stop walking on the way to the car from the train. I feel super wiped out now too. I’m not sure if it’s the stroke after effects or maybe the medication.
  • When the doctors say rest and take it easy, I don’t know what they mean.
  • I know that worrying about what happens next isn’t going to change what might happen in the future… but I still can help it.

6 thoughts on “I Had a Stroke…. Now All I Can Do Is Think and Write

    1. Thank you. It is scary. I don’t know about going to a support group, that just doesn’t feel right… but dishing with all my knitter friends feels more comfortable to me.

  1. I felt the same as you after my heart attack at age 46. I know it is hard to rest but allow yourself a chance to heal. In time, you will see physically what you are capable of doing and make adaptations to things you may have done in the past. Or you might heal totally as you were before with no lasting effects of the stroke. Unfortunately, this is where I learned and you are now facing, that it is true… there are no guarantees in life. All you can do is take a day at a time. I know it is scary. Fears and emotions will come and go. It is okay. Make the things that are dear to you a priority and let go of the small stuff that will be just a blip on your radar screen. I look at this as a second chance and you have been given that gift too! Many blessings and sending you prayers for a full recovery! Big hugs, my knitting friend!

  2. I’m so sorry this happened to you! But please don’t despair because I believe you will get better. My dad had a stroke at age 89 and he is still going strong at 96. He is careful about what he eats and gets plenty of exercise. My sister had a stroke two years ago and I shared with her this video I watched after my dad’s stroke. This helped both of us understand strokes better. It is a video by a brain doctor who had a stroke and now she is public speaking and back to work. If you have time, I think this will help you see that you will recover but it just takes time and patience. https://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight

  3. I’m blown away and don’t really know what to say, so consider this a long distance hug. You will be in my prayers.

  4. I think what you’re feeling is completely normal under the circumstances. Not easy, but normal. Be gentle with yourself…allow your body time to heal, and allow your emotional self time to heal too. I imagine you’ll have good days and not so good days on both fronts. You’re right, there are no guarantees, but try not to let that become a fear that keeps you from enjoying the right now. Many hugs, Lesley!

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