Train of Thought – Election Thoughts 

​1. What’s wrong with me? What does it say about ME that I wanted Hillary to be president. Why was I not taken in by Donald Trump’s message? The country is shifting more and more to a right leaning population, but I am not part of that movement. I’m having a hard time understanding what this means for my future. I feel like I have been marginalized. 

2. I now look at everyone with suspicion. I say to myself, “are you one of ‘Them’?” as I pass people in the hallways at work and in the store. Especially men, and older white men in particular. I feel like the results of the election say that Americans don’t want women to really be successful. Sure one or two CEOs are okay. A Governor here or there is fine, but we can’t have them all thinking they are better than us (ie men). 

3. But it wasn’t just white men that elected Trump. An awful lot of women and minorities also had to cast their ballots for HIM. This thought brings me back to point #1.

4. What’s wrong with being an educated woman, much less an educated person in general? Apparently the only population group that voted for Hillary were Latinos, Asians, and the educated “elite” on the coasts. I don’t understand why my contributions to the work force have to be marginalized. I feel that this distrust is born out of self-loathing or low self esteem. Here is a hint for all those blue color, “working” class folks out there – college educated Americans are not  sitting around the lunch room table laughing at you behind your back like a bunch of high school mean girls. We’re the ones developing new medicine to treat cancer, we are the educators that teach your children. We are to the ones that work behind the scenes to make sure the social security checks are mailed and we are the law enforcement and intelligence officers that work to keep the country safe. 

5. If you are too scared to admit that you support a candidate because you don’t want to be labeled a racist, woman hating, xenophobic bigot, then maybe you should rethink who your voting for in the first place. Oh that’s right, you wanted CHANGE. 

6. What exactly do you think is going to change? You hated the Affordable Care Act. Just so you know when it gets repealed there are people that will suffer. You don’t like abortions. Okay, so you’re okay with women dying from back ally abortions. You wanted the wall. Now that’s just ridiculous. It takes years to build roads and bridges, there is no way a wall is getting built in less than a 4 years. You want to retire. Ha, good luck living on that fixed income when the price for everything escalates out of control because of all the tariffs levied on foreign produced goods. You think Ford cares that the government is slapping a 30% tax on its imports. Of course not, they are just going to pass that on to the consumer so nothing will come out of their own pockets. 

I think that’s about it for right now… sadly. 

I Had a Stroke…. Now All I Can Do Is Think and Write

I don’t know what to do. On Monday I had a stroke. I’m 40 years old and I had a stroke. What am I supposed to do? I don’t know if this is how everyone feels… but these are the thoughts that keep running through my head:

  • I feel like a California seismologist, I’m just waiting for the “Big One”
  • Phrases like “I’ll get that next time” terrifies me because I don’t know if there will be a next time.
  • I can be fine one minute and then struck with fear and start crying for no reason at any moment.
  • Sometimes I feel like nothing happened, and then I remember… Then I get sad that I’m forever going to be a “survivor”
  • Sometimes I think “I’m not going to let this beat me, I can rise above it and be better than ever” but then I wonder if I really can, I mean physical able to.
  • I felt fine during the stroke and the 2 days in the hospital after, then I have felt like crap. I find that now I get winded and have to stop walking on the way to the car from the train. I feel super wiped out now too. I’m not sure if it’s the stroke after effects or maybe the medication.
  • When the doctors say rest and take it easy, I don’t know what they mean.
  • I know that worrying about what happens next isn’t going to change what might happen in the future… but I still can help it.